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Hi, this is Deborah Klika reading from my comedy script “At the Bar”- a comedy for anyone who has to work with their ex.
SCENE 1 – INT. BAR ASSOCIATION MEETING ROOM THE MEETING OF THE BAR ASSOCIATION IS IN PROGRESS. RUTH KARP, SC, IS CHAIRING.
RUTH: Right. Item four. The tax office has made a complaint about Cleaver Greene and his failure to pay taxes. Again. What is it about mid-life cyclones that they seem to think causing mayhem will cover up their lack of responsibility.
THEODORE (TEDDY) THOMAS RUSHES IN, BAGS AND PAPERS FLYING. HE IS SLIGHTLY OVERWEIGHT.
TEDDY: Sorry sorry….
RUTH: (under her breath) Speaking of cyclones. TEDDY: I had to pick up Max from day-care.
RUTH: That must have been a frightening experience for you. Dealing with children.
TEDDY: He has a temperature.
RUTH: Couldn’t little Miss Mosman pick him up? Or was she too busy at the gym?
TEDDY: Nicola had a haaaair, I mean an appointment with a client.
RUTH: Who, no doubt, also cuts hair.
TEDDY: Did I miss anything important?
RUTH: No. We’ve just referred your friend Cleaver Greene to the professional standards committee. COMMITTEE MEMBER 1(to committee member 3): Did we?
COMMITTEE MEMBER 3 TAKES OF SWIG FROM A FLASK
COMMITTEE MEMBER 3: Can’t remember. Guess so.
TEDDY: But I thought the tax office had dropped the case because the files had been destroyed.
RUTH: They want to re-open it. Don’t want other barristers getting silly ideas about fires or floods or mid-life disasters. It’s best we send it to the professional standards committee.
TEDDY: But you chair that committee. Don’t you have a conflict of interest after what you just said.
RUTH: I have no conflict Theodore. Only an interest. In upholding the standards that the public expects of the legal profession. After that debacle with the Greene case – splashed all over the ABC like a bunch of drunken adolescents at schoolies, the tax office has threatened to run through this association like a packet of Epsom salts unless we show some balls.
TEDDY: Well how about I chair this particular complaint.
RUTH: I said it needs someone with balls Theodore. Besides everyone knows you are a friend of Greene’s. Even copying his mid-life fantasy judging by the latest rumour. Enough of this, let’s get on with the meeting.(HOLDING UP A PIECE OF PAPER) I have yet another letter here from the Chief Justice complaining about the number of barristers who are showing up tired and emotional in court. I propose funding a research study into the rates of depression at the Bar. Might give us some insight into why so many barristers turn to the bottle – not to mention other women – when it all gets too much. No wonder the public think we are a bunch of tax- avoiding high-charging low-life that sleep with anyone that they can get their hands on.
TEDDY SQUIRMS IN HIS SEAT AS COMMITTEE MEMBER NO. 3 TAKES ANOTHER DRINK
COMMITTEE MEMBER 3: That’s why I voted for you Madam President.
RUTH: Thank you Simon.
TEDDY: Are you taking the pink tablets or the white ones Simon?
COMMITTEE MEMBER 3: I’m not taking any tablets. Should I?
TEDDY: I think so. The pink ones get you up. And the white ones stop you killing people.
TEDDY TAKES A WHITE TABLET
ABOUT DEBORAH KLIKA:
“I have had a long term interest in the TV sitcom – what makes it work, why it is funny and types of programs that interest people. I have worked on two pilots and written three. I am currently writing a book that analyses the comic operation of the sitcom, using psychoanalytic theory to explore the behaviour of characters and their relationships. In doing so I hope to offer a new way of reading this form of comedy.
In May 2011 I attended a professional development course at Varuna with Katherine Thomson, where I worked on my most recent pilot, “At The Bar”. In November 2011 I returned to spend a week writing a chapter of my book on what I term “echo” comic characters in the sitcom.” Deborah Klika
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